Emotional Rollercoaster

The only thing I know for sure, is this journey has been unpredictable and an emotional rollercoaster.  We have never been so happy as to hear those words that I was pregnant on July 1st.  Such a completely opposite feeling as to what we felt on Monday when we went in for the 7 week ultrasound and all we were looking at was an amniotic sac that was only measuring 5 and 1/2 weeks.  There was no heartbeat and no embryo we could see.  Basically, the embryo just stopped growing about a week and a 1/2 ago for no obvious reason.

Dr. Hammoud was very empathetic and talked to us for quite awhile.  He said that miscarriages happen all the time and it is typically a genetic issue.  He felt that it doesn't necessarily make me more likely to have another one in the future.  Unfortunately, insurance won't pay for any genetic testing unless you've had more than one miscarriage.

They want me to schedule a follow-up with him in about a week to make sure that my body takes care of this naturally, otherwise I'll have to have a D & C.  Once the progesterone is worked out of my system, this should happen.  I really want my hormones balanced.  We'll be able to talk with him then about what would be the next plan if we decide to try this again.

Life just seems so unfair and confusing sometimes, but we are really trying to stay positive.  We are very blessed in many ways.  We have an incredible family and amazing friends.  We have each other to lean on and as tough as this has been, every step brings us closer and strengthens our relationship.  I'm glad I was able to actually get pregnant for my first time and it does give me some hope for having a biological child some day. I'm also relieved that it happened now than to have a problem with the baby discovered later.

It is just so hard to see all this money being spent without any results or guarantees. Most Reproductive Endocronologist don't do a good job with researching why individual patients have reproductive issues to begin with. They just treat patients with what works for most people and hope for the best. We need to get even more educated about infertility, that I know.  I've found some resources that I'll be exploring.

Clay and I have a lot to think about right now in order to decide our next steps. It will get easier every day, especially as we learn more and settle on decisions.  We just have to keep the faith that we will be parents one day...someway, somehow.

Thank you for your support, prayers and encouraging words during this whole process.